New in Town

Movie: New in Town
Like/Don't Like: Even with Renee Zellwegger's squishy face and awkward jogging, I still really liked it.

Did you know I use to work at a movie theater. I have the physical scars to prove it. I started out in the concession stand, burning my flesh on the popcorn popper and then I moved to the box office, where I attempted to not shove my hand through the little slot to throw unwound paperclips at people's heads. Because people who go to the movies are dumb. No, I really mean it. They are ludicrously dumb. At the concession stand people would go from one candy counter to the next, inspecting the identical displays, and then come up to the register and say, "I don't see any Jordan Almonds here but I'd like some so could you pull a box out from the back." To which I would reply, "I would like to not be wearing these polyester pants, so it seems like we're both going to be disappointed tonight." They were no better at the box office. People would spend 10 minutes in line waiting to buy their ticket and when they got up to the window they would still turn to their date and say, "What do you want to see?" "I don't know, what do you want to see?" And I would join in, "I bet the people behind you know what they want to see."

I'm telling you this because I feel it's important, as an active member of society, that when you get to the box office window you know exactly what you want. I know that it must be hard to live in a cave with no newspaper or Internet or phone or blackberry or TV and then you get the sudden urge to go to the movies and you have no idea what's playing. It's a tough world for spontaneous cave-dwellers. I understand. But people are standing behind you in line. In the rain. The freezing pouring rain. Waiting to watch a movie with Harry Connick Jr. Inside, where it's warm and dry. And they're standing in the rain because it's Southern California, where it doesn't rain very much, so builders of movie theaters don't really consider it fiscally responsible to build the box office indoors or even under an awning. And while you're standing at the box office, and you're asking the ticket girl to describe every movie playing at the 30-plex, including major plot lines and character development, as well as a brief critique on it, the group of girls behind you are getting very wet. And their hair is getting all damp and tragic and will no doubt resemble a tumbleweed when it dries, if they ever make it into the theater. Where it is not wet. And when you hear them say very loudly behind you, "Um...we're STANDING IN THE RAIN!" don't just stare at them and then turn back and ask the ticket girl what she thought of "He's Just Not That Into You." Buy your ticket and move. So they can get inside where it's not raining. If you're lucky, you'll be stuck behind a bunch of girls who thought it was actually quite hilarious and laughed about the whole thing. But no amount of laughter will stop their hair from tumbleweeding up.

Wasn't I do something? Oh right! I was telling you about the movie.

Funny. Really. Very funny. And here's what made it funny. The minor characters. Renee Zellwegger was her usual drunken squishy face self. And she had the added annoyance of having Very Severe Hair that I wanted to push out of her face. And the scenes with her jogging were extremely uncomfortable to watch. And Harry was adorable and charming but was the straight man mostly. But the supporting cast was hilarious. They were over the top caricatures of Minnesotans, and I image that some people would find that too much. But I thought they were great. And I laughed a lot. So did the other people in the theater. In fact, there were times that I laughed more at the people laughing than I did at the actual movie. I love it when that happens.

And, since we're all here, let's talk about Harry Connick Jr. in a beard for a sec. It was like Christmas morning for me. Hooray for Harry in a beard!!!