Book: Modelland
Author: Tyra Banks
Like/Don't Like: Um, well, that's complicated
Where do I begin? Oh, how about THIS IS THE CRAZIEST, CRAPPIEST BOOK I'VE EVER READ. And I mean that in the best possible way. You know how sometimes you watch really horrible movies for the laughs? Like Spice World? Well, this was the book version of that. And let me just tell you, if you don't appreciate Tyra's brand of crazy, this book will be UNREADABLE. If you don't think that Tyra's funny accents and zany antics and wackadoo jumpsuits and weaves and gimmicks are a special type of hilarious than you would be miserable reading this book. Because it is baaaaaaaaaaad.
For the plot: we have Tookie de la Creme (for real) as our heroine. She is overlooked by everyone around her but she somehow makes it into Modelland, a school for would-be models (think Harry Potter meets ANTM) and goes through the rigorous training. Or at least I think she does. For a book that is over 500 pages (and, according to the acknowledgements, was originally over 1000) there was very little action. Everything is description, description, description. I got the feeling that Tyra's golden rule for writing was More Is More. If it can be said in 10 words it would be better in 100. Why just use 1 adjective when the thesaurus is giving 20. There were so many crazy characters and activities and places that about 100 pages into it I started just skimming through all the descriptions. I could not help but compare it to Twilight. Although, to Tyra's credit, Twilight is WAY more insufferable. We all know that Tyra is crazy. Stephanie Meyer has no excuse.
So Tyra is a lot of things, but a good writer is not one of them. Fortunately for all of us she has other talents.
Talents like: the excessive use of adjectives and adverbs; the ability to say something in 100 words that a normal person would only say in 5; making up cutesy names for things that already have names; taking those cutesy names and giving them cutesy nicknames, abbreviations or acronyms; creating the most elaborate description of every single item, action, place, person, outfit, food, dance move and modeling technique found in the book; making me simultaneously laugh out loud and pray for death.
Oh, Tyra, what would I do without you.
Showing posts with label like*. Show all posts
Showing posts with label like*. Show all posts
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Shop Class as Soulcraft
Book: Shop Class as Soulcraft
Author: Matthew B. Crawford
Like/Don't Like: Not enough to sustain me. I made it about 20 pages from the end and decided I was done.
There are times when I'm sitting at my desk and working on the computer that I wish I had gone to trade school to learn a marketable skill, like flower arranging or hair cutting or basket weaving. Because there is something so much more rewarding about physical work then desk work. There's a process to it and problems to fix and a product at the end and you're usually supplying a need for people. This is why I have the World's Largest Felt Collection. Because you can't just sit and think about felt, you have to actually do something with it. Same with the skeins and skeins of yarn and the mountains of fabric and the ribbon drawer that barely closes anymore. When my mind gets too full of thoughts that don't get me anywhere I head to the felt collection and make something with my hands.
This is also why I like recipes and patterns. It's satisfying to follow the instructions, step by step, and come up with the intended product. And if it's not right I don't mind at all going back and figuring out if it was me or the pattern. I love that feeling of being able to find the problem and work on it until it's fixed.
What I'm saying is that I like work. I like making things and fixing things with my hands. I think a lot of people are like this.
This book explores that desire to work and societies push to get people out of jobs that require them to work. How many of us were told in high school to skip college and become a welder? None of us, right? Because somewhere along the lines manual labor lost its honor and cubicle labor became the way to earn a living. But the problem is that some people are just better suited for manual labor - that's how their minds work - and most people actually find joy in doing some form of it, and everyone requires that labor to be done in order for our world to move smoothly. Imagine if your plumber had taken his guidance counselors advice to go on to a 4 year college and study liberal arts?
Crawford actually did go to a university and studied physics, and then ended up getting his PhD in political something or other. But before he went to school he was an electrician, and that's the work that supported him through all of his schooling. He also worked on cars and motorcycles on the side. But after he got his degree he decided that he need a job that reflected his education and he got one working at a think tank. Which made him miss physically working. So he quit and opened up a bike shop.
The premise was great. But it seems as if it was written for academics to explain how one of their own could up and leave the field for a greasy shop. He has some truly fascinating takes on it but in the end it felt ironic to be sitting on a chair, reading about working. It made me want to get up and actually do something instead of thinking about the philosophical reasons of why I wanted to.
So I just stopped reading it. Not because of what he was saying, it all made perfect sense. I just think I was the wrong audience. I went into it not needing to be convinced.
Author: Matthew B. Crawford
Like/Don't Like: Not enough to sustain me. I made it about 20 pages from the end and decided I was done.
There are times when I'm sitting at my desk and working on the computer that I wish I had gone to trade school to learn a marketable skill, like flower arranging or hair cutting or basket weaving. Because there is something so much more rewarding about physical work then desk work. There's a process to it and problems to fix and a product at the end and you're usually supplying a need for people. This is why I have the World's Largest Felt Collection. Because you can't just sit and think about felt, you have to actually do something with it. Same with the skeins and skeins of yarn and the mountains of fabric and the ribbon drawer that barely closes anymore. When my mind gets too full of thoughts that don't get me anywhere I head to the felt collection and make something with my hands.
This is also why I like recipes and patterns. It's satisfying to follow the instructions, step by step, and come up with the intended product. And if it's not right I don't mind at all going back and figuring out if it was me or the pattern. I love that feeling of being able to find the problem and work on it until it's fixed.
What I'm saying is that I like work. I like making things and fixing things with my hands. I think a lot of people are like this.
This book explores that desire to work and societies push to get people out of jobs that require them to work. How many of us were told in high school to skip college and become a welder? None of us, right? Because somewhere along the lines manual labor lost its honor and cubicle labor became the way to earn a living. But the problem is that some people are just better suited for manual labor - that's how their minds work - and most people actually find joy in doing some form of it, and everyone requires that labor to be done in order for our world to move smoothly. Imagine if your plumber had taken his guidance counselors advice to go on to a 4 year college and study liberal arts?
Crawford actually did go to a university and studied physics, and then ended up getting his PhD in political something or other. But before he went to school he was an electrician, and that's the work that supported him through all of his schooling. He also worked on cars and motorcycles on the side. But after he got his degree he decided that he need a job that reflected his education and he got one working at a think tank. Which made him miss physically working. So he quit and opened up a bike shop.
The premise was great. But it seems as if it was written for academics to explain how one of their own could up and leave the field for a greasy shop. He has some truly fascinating takes on it but in the end it felt ironic to be sitting on a chair, reading about working. It made me want to get up and actually do something instead of thinking about the philosophical reasons of why I wanted to.
So I just stopped reading it. Not because of what he was saying, it all made perfect sense. I just think I was the wrong audience. I went into it not needing to be convinced.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Catalyst
Book: Catalyst
Author: Laurie Halse Anderson
Like/Don't Like: I liked it all the way up to the end. And then it fizzled.
I pray for good endings. Not necessarily happy endings, although I always prefer them. But just a well written ending. A good ending is all about timing. It should come right when you need it and shouldn't last too long and it shouldn't be rushed and should answer enough of your questions to satisfy you and still leave a few so that you're thinking about it for the rest of the day. When I spend all of this time with the characters and the story there are few things more satisfying to me then a good ending nicely written.
This did not have a good ending. Sure, it was happy-ish, but suddenly it was there and I was left wondering what just happened. Which is a shame, because it was a pretty good book.
I've read a few of Anderson's YA fiction and have really enjoyed them (Fever 1793 and Speak). She does teenage angst really well, even colonial teenage angst in Fever 1793. She nails it here too. Kate Malone is a high school senior, dad's a minister, mother is dead (why are there ALWAYS dead parents in YA fiction?), honor roll student, bound for MIT. Or, at least she's applied to MIT. And you see where this is going. But there's a twist that I didn't expect that shifted the whole story in a really interesting way and it hooked me.
And then suddenly it was done. For like 100 pages Kate is miserable and confused and then in 2 she's fine. The end. The ending came in a hurry and with little explanation and it made me feel a little cheated.
I should probably be a little more forgiving of this because the book really was good. But I wanted more. And not "Wow, this was so great, I wish it wouldn't end," but "Really? Did some pages fall out?"
Author: Laurie Halse Anderson
Like/Don't Like: I liked it all the way up to the end. And then it fizzled.
I pray for good endings. Not necessarily happy endings, although I always prefer them. But just a well written ending. A good ending is all about timing. It should come right when you need it and shouldn't last too long and it shouldn't be rushed and should answer enough of your questions to satisfy you and still leave a few so that you're thinking about it for the rest of the day. When I spend all of this time with the characters and the story there are few things more satisfying to me then a good ending nicely written.
This did not have a good ending. Sure, it was happy-ish, but suddenly it was there and I was left wondering what just happened. Which is a shame, because it was a pretty good book.
I've read a few of Anderson's YA fiction and have really enjoyed them (Fever 1793 and Speak). She does teenage angst really well, even colonial teenage angst in Fever 1793. She nails it here too. Kate Malone is a high school senior, dad's a minister, mother is dead (why are there ALWAYS dead parents in YA fiction?), honor roll student, bound for MIT. Or, at least she's applied to MIT. And you see where this is going. But there's a twist that I didn't expect that shifted the whole story in a really interesting way and it hooked me.
And then suddenly it was done. For like 100 pages Kate is miserable and confused and then in 2 she's fine. The end. The ending came in a hurry and with little explanation and it made me feel a little cheated.
I should probably be a little more forgiving of this because the book really was good. But I wanted more. And not "Wow, this was so great, I wish it wouldn't end," but "Really? Did some pages fall out?"
Monday, October 22, 2007
Miss Potter
Movie: Miss PotterLike/Don't Like: Like*
Dear Renee Zellweger,
I wish you would stop making movies. Especially movies that I want to see. Because there's something about you that makes me really uncomfortable. Okay, there are several things about you that make me uncomfortable.
I'll start with the eyes. How can you see through those things? With the exception of Bridget Jones' Diary, where you had to stand agog and googly eyed a lot, your eyes are usually two inky black holes in your head. I'm not kidding, when I picture you in my head all I can see is your face with no eyes. Like a dead doll. It's kind of creepy. But, those were the eyes you were born with and I applaud your resolve to not get them done. Although, if you were ever considering plastic surgery, that should be the top of your list: eye implants.
How about we move on to the things you can work on now. For instance, that habit you have of scrunching up your face and pursing your lips and tucking your chin in. It is not very flattering. And your voice. Why do you always have to whisper? And sometimes you act like you're drunk. There have been several times when I've seen you on Oprah or presenting at the Oscars and you look like you killed the time during your limo ride by playing a drinking game with your publicist where you had to take a drink any time you saw a car that wasn't plaid. I got the impression the last time I saw you on Oprah that maybe it's shyness. Maybe you feel awkward in public. Here's a tip, if you act natural, and not like a lush, and you smile and talk at a normal voice then you give off the impression that you're actually quite comfortable, even if you're not.
It's called acting, Renee.
Which brings me to your movie. I liked Miss Potter the same way I like oatmeal. They're both very wholesome and satisfying and easy to digest. I certainly don't mind oatmeal, and sometimes I even crave it. But even though I like oatmeal, I always wish that it were bacon instead. And while I liked the movie, I was kind of wishing that it were something different. Mostly because, like oatmeal, it was kind of bland. In order to make oatmeal better you have to add butter and brown sugar. And for Miss Potter to be better it would have needed more of a story line, and possibly less of you and your beady little eyes. A British actress would have been a good start. Or at least someone who could do a more convincing accent.
Sincerely, Rachel
*The asterisk has created a new category. It means that I will remember liking the movie but something will hold me back from saying that I really liked it and you should watch it this minute.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)