P.S. I Love You

Movie: P.S. I Love You
Like/Don't Like: Like

Dear Hillary Swank,

I'm writing you to let you know that I can't watch anymore of your movies. I don't want you to take offense to this but I'm pretty sure it's you. I know that I'm a natural crier, that crying for me is sort of like breathing in that it's an involuntary reflex. I can't help myself. But I started crying right at the beginning of this movie and didn't stop until the credits rolled. Which brought to mind, naturally, your other movie that made me weep bitter tears, Million Dollar Baby. I actually can't think of other movies that you've been in that I've seen but now I think it's best if I stay far, far away from them. I don't recall crying very much during your brief stint on Beverly Hills 90210 but I would not be surprised.

Aside from all the tears, I really liked this movie. It wasn't as schmaltzy as I expected it to be and it had the Ultimate Triumvirate of Hot Men: Gerard Butler, Harry Connick Jr., and That Guy Katherine Heigl was In Love With but Who Died in the One and Only Episode of Grey's Anatomy that I've Seen. And Hillary, I have to admit that I've always been a little terrified of your enormous teeth, but they weren't nearly as distracting as I feared they would be. You were actually really lovely in this part. That should make up for me dumping your, right?

But it's not enugh to sway me. My new New Year's resolution will be no more Hillary Swank movies. I think I really embarrassed that girl next to me with all of my pathetic sniffling.


Best, Rachel

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Movie: National Treasure: Book of Secrets
Like/Don't Like: Like - because it was Christmas Eve and I was in the mood

Have you ever been on Google Earth and done their globe hopping thing where it takes you from one major world land mark to the next? I think that's where the writers got the idea for this movie. Mount Rushmore, Mount Vernon, Buckingham Palace, the Library of Congress, the White House, and the "other" Statue of Liberty all made appearances in this movie. It is not a stretch to say that the words "far-fetched" went through my brain several dozen times.
And that was before they broke into the Queen's office AND the Oval Office and then kidnapped the president.

So I rolled my eyes A LOT and I think on any other occassion I would have said no thanks but several things saved it for me, 1.) It was Christmas Eve and I was looking for a mindless, fun adventure movie, preferably without Nicholas Cage, but you can't be picky, right? 2.) That funny sidekick guy who's name has slipped my mind, 3.) I'm kind of a sucker for historical trivia, the likes of which this movie was blowing out it's nose, 4.) Helen Mirren. 5.) Helen Mirren's hair. It was so cute and very flattering and made up for her shoddy American accent.

Speaking of Nicholas Cage...have his teeth always been like that? They looked really weird. Like his bite was off or his caps were too big.

A Christmas Carol

Book: A Christmas Carol
Author: Charles Dickens
Like/Don't Like: Like

Dear High School English Teachers of the World:

Do NOT make your students read Dickens. I'm serious about this. Dickens is not for kids. If you want your students to hate Dickens and curse your name forever then go ahead. But I'd advise you to back away from it and give them Lord of the Flies instead. It's a much better story for 15 year olds.

I know what I'm talking about. I loved to read when I was 15, just like I do now. I was one of those kids who read every book assigned in school, not just because I had to but because I actually enjoyed it. I read every book - even Moby Dick - every book but A Tale of Two Cities. Why? Because the year before I had to read Great Expectations and it did me in. It was too dark and there were too many foot notes and too many characters and the crazy old lady in the wedding dress and gosh it was confusing for my young mind. Dickens and I were through.

I harbored bad feelings for him for years. I had a teacher in college* who was OBSESSED with Dickens. He was PASSIONATE about him. He dreamed about consumption and debtors prison. I wasn't actually taking a Dickens class from him but not a lecture went by without some obscure reference from the Pickwick Papers. And every reference made me say “Bleh! Dickens. I’m not going to do that again!”

Which was a big shame because Dickens is actually fantastic. Last year, thanks to Katie, I redeemed myself and read A Tale of Two Cities and I loved it. Seriously. It's such an amazing, beautiful book. In fact, it was my number one book of 2007. (Yeah, I keep track of the books I read in a little notebook. I'm a dork. So what?) And I felt like I had wasted all of these years when I could have been reading his stuff.

So I vowed to be friends with him again. I’ve had a copy of A Christmas Carol in my bookshelf for years. It may have been a gift. I can’t remember. Every Christmas I would think, “Maybe I should read A Christmas Carol.” And it would take me about 30 seconds to remind myself that I didn’t like Dickens. But since we’ve been reunited I didn’t talk myself out of it this time

Who doesn’t know this story? Everyone knows this story. I’ve seen A Muppet’s Christmas Carol enough to know it (Incidentally, only 15 more sleeps ‘til Christmas. Fa la la.) So I thought that it would be a little dull reading something that I already knew so well. But Dickens charmed me again. I was lovely. And short. It love a book I can read in a couple of hours.

So, in conclusion, I found my way to Dickens, even after hating him. But I could have read him a lot earlier. I would have found my way to him years ago and would have had the joy of Tiny Tim every Christmas. If only you people wouldn’t insist on forcing us to be best friends.

Best at this festive time of year,
Rachel

PS. Another author who is terrific that kids shouldn’t read because they just won’t get it is John Steinbeck. Don’t give them Steinbeck! Let the readers find him on their own. East of Eden was my favorite book of 2006 but that was after years of not liking him after I had to read The Pearl in the 7th grade.

*Interesting side note: This professor actually had a very Dickensian experience the year before I took his class. He almost died from a flesh eating bacteria. He had scars all over his neck and face and gaping, oozing sores on his arms. I bet it was like a dream come true for him.

Waitress

Movie: Waitress
Like/Don't Like: Um...overall - don't like

I remember hearing about this movie when it came out, mostly because of the tragic stuff with the writer/director/person in the movie who was murdered in her own apartment before it came out. Sad. And also because I have a soft place in my heart for Keri Russell. Oh Felicity. The hours I spent watching you walk around the streets of NYC in slow motion, wistfully looking over your shoulder. Those were the days.

I remember hearing that this movie was sad and quirky. So true. Although more sad than quirky. I'm not against sad movies. Shadowlands is pretty high up there for me and if there's a sadder movie out there, I'd like not to hear about it because I'm a sucker and would probably end up watching it and I don't think there's a tissue box large enough to handle the amount of tears I would shed if it were sadder than Shadowlands. That scene...in the attic...when they're sitting on the steps...after she dies. Oh gee whiz.

But this one was more depressing than sad. Felicity plays a pie baking waitress who is pregnant with her abusive husband's baby and she's not happy about it. Boy, is she not happy. And then she has an affair with her doctor, who is married. And then (this is where I give away the ending) she has the baby and ends the affair and dumps her louse of a husband. Which is great, but that is about 5 minutes at the end. The rest just kind of wears you down with how sad her life is.

Which may be the reason why I went to bed feeling a little let down, even after everything worked out for the best. It had all the makings for a movie I'd really like. Snappy lines, homey locale, wise cracking side characters, pie, Andy Griffith, and a guy who creates spontaneous poetry. That last one should have won me over all by itself, and it was close. So close. But not close enough. I wanted to eat pie at the end of it, but mostly to cheer me up.

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

Movie: Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
Like/Don't Like: Like

This was sweet. And quirky. And pretty witty for a kiddie movie. And Dustin Hoffman's eyebrows were magnificent. And seeing Natalie Portman's cute short hair made me curse my own hair because I can't pull that off (and believe me, I have tried). And Jason Bateman was in it. I think that Jason Bateman should be in everything. Basically, it was a nice way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Jane and the Barque of Frailty

Book: Jane and the Barque of Frailty (9th in the Jane Austen Mystery series)
Author: Stephanie Barron
Like/Don’t Like: Like

It’s a very fine line to walk, loving Jane Austen. You start out loving her books and then suddenly you find yourself in a Jane chat-room and you've given yourself the name darcylover4ever and you’re organizing fancy dress tea parties and there you are at the annual Jane Austen convention discussing the merits of Captain Wentworth and you think to yourself, “Good heavens! What have I become?!"

This is exactly why I avoid all those Jane Austen knock-offs that have flooded the book market. Seriously, there are so many of them that a publishing house could dedicate itself entirely to books depicting exactly what Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy did after their wedding and never go out of business. Unless someone I trust has specifically recommended one to me I stay far, far away. You can never be too careful. If I ever start calling my purse a reticule then you know I have gone too far and need an intervention.

Years ago Cynde gave me the first of this series and it sat on a bookshelf for 2 years, purposely forgotten, because I didn't want to turn into one of Those Girls. But then one day, probably out of desperation for something to read, I picked it up and couldn't put it down (this proves that you should always trust your best friend’s judgment in books). I liked it so much that I actually ventured into the popular fiction section (Fact: I had never been in the popular fiction section before this. All those books - romance, mystery, and sci-fi- fall under the category of Books I Never Read in my Youth So I Don't Actually Remember that They Exist Until Someone Tells Me about Them.) and bought the rest in the series. They are surprisingly well written books.

Jane is the narrator and, like all mystery series detectives, has a keen ability to stumble upon dead bodies. The mysteries are fairly surprising and the pacing is good. And it’s pretty impressive how close the author gets to the tone of a Jane Austen book. She’s always in a different locale so it give some variety to the books but there are a few recurring characters, mostly her family, who keep it familiar. The series has declined a little, especially after one of the main characters dies in a later book, and this last one felt a little forced. But it was still a really fun read. I’m recommending the whole series.

And I’m serious about the intervention.

Note to Laura: Don't bother.

Dan in Real Life

Movie: Dan in Real Life
Like/Don't Like: Like

I know what you're saying, "Wait a second. You mean you actually go to the movies too? In a real live movie theater?" Yep. Sometimes I do. The problem though is that my 80 year old tendencies come out so strong at movie theaters that I can actually feel orthopedic shoes forming on my feet. My pet peeves include: people chewing too loudly; cell phones going off and instead of sheepishly silencing it, the person starts talking, usually about how they're in the movies...I'll call you right back...well, I don't know what you did with that pink sweater...did you look in the laundry room...well how am I suppose to know...I'll be back in an hour...well look harder (click)(to husband) Ashley can't find her pink sweater; young whipper-snappers who spend their time giggling and running up and down the stairs, you know, because a movie is a great time to get your cardio in; the Obvious Guy - you all know this guy, the one who sits behind you and states the obvious (Example: Character falls down the stairs, OG says, "Dude! He totally fell down the stairs!"); your friend who comes with you and talks to you through the whole thing, sometimes turning into OG.

But I really like going to the movies so I will usually go by myself on a weeknight (seriously folks, I am one cat away from pathetic.) and get an Icee (okay, I may also be 12, but did you know that you can now get an Icee in the jumbo size cup! Awesome!!) and sit in the middle with the elderly (the ne'er-do-wells prefer the top, for their exercise) and start my Serenity Now chant.

Um...Rachel...isn't this a movie review? Oh, right? It is.

After watching North and South again, this time with Mom and Katie, I decided that I hadn't spent enough time on my butt and went to see Dan in Real Life. I liked it. I was prepared for it to go either way because sometimes movies like that can be a little schmaltzy. It certainly had all the makings of it: widower, large family retreat, rustic setting, Diane Wiest. But most of the time when it could have gone all warm and fuzzy it went warm and funny instead. I was a little nervous for Steve Carrell because the ads made it look like he was a slightly calmer Michael Scott, but he held it together. And despite his extra large nose, I had a bit of a crush on him at the end of it (I'm a complete sucker for funny men. My love for Steve Martin goes all the way back to Three Amigos.)

A few observations:
1.) In my next life I want Juliette Binoche's skin, which, according to legend, was blessed by unicorns at her birth.
2.) The guy who wrote the screenplay also wrote Pieces of April. You should see this movie. Katie Holmes isn't as bad as you think she will be.
3.) I like this trend of movie soundtracks being done by primarily one artist, like Britt Daniels from Spoon on Stranger than Fiction, or Badly Drawn Boy on About a Boy. It gives it a nice continuity. This one was done by Sondre Lerche and hooray for that. So great! Modern Nature may be one of the cutest songs ever written.
4.) Frazier's dad is looking really old.
5.) I don't know who Norbert Leo Butz's parents are but I love them for giving him that name.
6.) Speaking of Norbert Leo Butz (if we were neighbors I would not be able to call him anything but that full glorious name), there were too many great actors who were under-used. They could have taken half of Dane Cooks scenes and given them to actors who weren't in Employee of the Month.
7.) Emily Blunt could bite through a Ginsu knife with those teeth. But I like her in everything I've seen her in so she can stay.
8.) They showed a preview for Atonement before the movie and I've realized that I can't see it because that book still haunts me. I started welling up right when they showed cute James McAvoy and didn't stop until Kiera Knightly's giant jaw took over the screen at the end. If Keira Knightly's jaw joined forces with Emily Blunt's teeth they could rent themselves out as pretty, pretty nutcrackers for office holiday parties.

Yeah, it's a good movie. I'd say it was worth sitting in front of the guy who, when Dan got another speeding ticket, said, "Dude! He totally got another ticket!"